Where We Belong
by Marjory Stewart-Baxter
Summary: Period Piece. Jasper and Bella have spent their entire lives living within the castle walls, following all the rules of the royal court, but they find out through each other, they were never meant for the lives they were given. Unfortunately, breaking free of their expectations and responsibility isn't as simple as just walking away. AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

The first time I saw her, I knew she was different. I didn't know what that meant, I think I was ten years old at the time, I just knew I wanted to talk to her, I felt compelled to be her friend, to make sure no one was mean to her. I remember seeing her with a group of girls in one of the courtyards. It was a rare time that they had a break from their studies, and they were all laughing and giggling, making those silly flower chains. The way the sun shined behind her almost made her glow, and when she looked up and met me with those big brown eyes, I couldn't look away. She smiled and then went back to what she was doing. Peter had to knock me in the head to bring me back down to earth.

The next time I saw her, several years later, I actually spoke to her.

I had went into the stables and she was there brushing out one of the horses. At first we just did that awkward smile thing, and I broke out in a sweat trying to think of something to say to her. She however didn't have that problem.

"So, did they actually let you out to go riding today?"

Everyone knew how hard they were training anyone that could possibly fight in the royal army someday. All the knights wanted us prepared just in case the day we became of age, we would need to be sent out. I would never admit it, but I always felt like they worked me harder since my father was already knighted. That in addition to the fact that Peter led our daily training, and took advantage of being able to be hard on his little brother. I could definitely tell, though, that it had been a good outlet for my specific type of energy, or 'demon' as my mother had always called it.

I smirked back at her. "Yeah, can you believe it? I guess they were afraid our arms would fall off if they didn't give us a break." Wow, that was easier than I thought! Why had I been so nervous?

"So how long did they give you?" She asked as she strapped on the saddle.

"They actually gave me the rest of the afternoon. I think they know how hard it can be on us, and maybe are going to start letting us have more breaks. But I'm sure we'll pay for it at our next training." I said with a small laugh. I was just finishing up with the bridle when she slung herself up onto her horse. And the girl didn't ride side saddle either. So I could tell she meant to really do some riding.

"That's good!" She said with a smile. "Maybe once you get the hang of riding more, you'll be able to keep up with me." She grinned big and took off out of the stables. I was just left completely dumbstruck. It probably took me a couple minutes before I finally realized she had intended for me to follow her, but by the time by brain kicked in, she was long gone.

I saw her sporadically over the next few years, sometimes we would be able to exchange a few words, but we never got a chance to have enough time to really talk, although I got the distinct feeling that she wanted to just as much as I did. We would catch each other's eye across the dining hall, or out in the fields if her and the other ladies happened to walk by the area that we were training in. The first time I saw her out like that, I nearly took a sword to the knee. I still think Peter did that on purpose, even though he leers at Charlotte every chance he can get. I could tell she was watching me too, since she had to cover up a laugh at my slip up. I slit my eyes at her with a smirk on my face and she stuck her tongue out at me, to which she was quickly reprimanded by one of the older women. I laughed at her this time, and she slit her eyes back before they walked on.

After that, I felt like we had some kind of silent communication. We would go weeks without catching a glimpse of each other, but whenever we did, we would always grin like we had a secret or something. Peter always looked at me funny if he saw me looking at her, but I couldn't care less what he thought.

Peter was all business. He lived and breathed his job, and wouldn't let anything stand in his way. He was loyal to a fault to the crown. We were both raised that way. Our father was a knight, so we always knew we would be too. While I was just as loyal, and never thought twice about my role in the kingdom, I also felt that there was room for both doing your job well, as well as doing other things that you actually enjoyed. Peter said I would grow out of that later on, but I was hoping he was wrong.

It was several seasons later, several _long_ seasons later, by the time we met again on our own. Once again it was the stables. I was just strapping the saddle on when I heard the last voice I expected to hear.

"Well, look who it is." She said with a smile.

I quickly turned around and met her with a matching smile. She had her hair pulled back in a long braid, and was wearing the same thick, brown dress she had wore every other time she had been out on her horse, with dark brown riding gloves.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I said teasingly. She slit her eyes, still keeping the smile on her face.

"About as much as I know you." She came back with.

"Well I think it's about time to change that, don't you think, m'lady?" I have no idea where I had suddenly got my confidence, but as long as she was smiling, I was sticking with it.

"Let me just saddle up, and maybe you can keep up with me this time." She laughed, walking over to her stall. I went ahead and mounted to make sure she didn't leave me in the dust this time. I wasn't about to let her slip away again, who knows when I would get this chance next. I watched her fluid motions as she prepped and saddled up. She had obviously done this her whole life, she could do it in her sleep. She was ready in half the time it took me.

"Lead the way, m'lady." I gestured.

"You can cut the lady stuff out right now." She laughed. Oh I love that laugh. Everytime I heard it, my heart swelled a little bit more.

We rode out in a comfortable silence through several fields and worked our way into the forest several miles out from the castle. She wound around trees methodically, and knew exactly where the streams were that she needed to jump. Luckily my horse had an easier time following hers than I would have on foot. We finally came to a grassy clearing with a small stream running through it. There was a log of a tree that had fallen long ago that had a soft blanket of moss covering it. She unmounted and led her horse over to a tree and tied him up, so I followed. There was a berry bush there that horses could munch on while they waited on us. She walked over to the log and sat down silently. This time I was the one to break the silence.

"So this is your place, huh?" She looked at me with a crooked little smile.

"You can't tell anyone. I'm letting you in on my deepest darkest secret." I could tell she was only half serious, but I knew I would never tell a soul.

"Well it's very nice out here. I love how quiet it is." I said as I looked around. And it was quiet. You could only hear the sounds of the birds and the rustling of the trees by the wind. It was perfect.

"That's exactly what I like about it. I hate all the noise and chaos with the court. If I could just stay out here forever, I would truly be happy." I turned and looked over at her and she was facing toward the sky, smiling with her eyes closed, like she was just trying to melt away.

"You've always seemed like a happy person to me." I said, without really thinking that I had no reason to think she was happy, since we had never spoke more than a handful of words to each other.

"I am, I guess." She continued. "Well, I know I don't have much of a choice, so I might as well be." Her smile faded, and my chest ached for her.

"What is it that makes you unhappy?"

She stopped to look at me before she continued. I assume to gauge whether or not she could trust me. I hoped she somehow knew she could.

"I just hate living in the court." She breathed out quickly.

"Really?" I was shocked. I thought every girl dreamed of growing up with the princess and being one of her 'ladies in waiting'. She turned quickly to me, I could tell she was scared I would say something. "Don't worry, " I rushed to assure her, "I would never say anything. I'm just surprised. That's all." I offered her a small smile, and she relaxed a bit.

"I know. All the other girls adore their position. I've begged my mother to just let me be a seamstress for the crown. I would much rather work by myself all day long, than sit around listening to those girls prattle on about the most insignificant things. What so and so was wearing, who so and so is courting, who slipped into whose room after dark. Just absolute nonsense that is absolutely nobody's business."

"So why aren't you a seamstress then? I would think there would be a line of girls waiting to take your place."

"Oh, there is. But my mother was a lady, my grandmother too. My family has always had good position in the court, and in my mother's words, '_it would be not only a disgrace to this family, but be an insult to the crown.'_ So I'm not exactly free to make my own decisions. I do still get to do some seamstress work for the ladies, so while I'm doing that I can kind of zone out and let my mind wander to other places. Places I would rather be, or people I would rather be talking to."

She looked at me at this point, and I felt my stomach tighten. Was she talking about me?

"I'm so sorry you feel so trapped." I sympathized.

And I truly was sorry. This was a girl who should be free to make her own decisions. If she wanted to be a seamstress, she should be able to do just that. But then again, I wasn't in any better situation.

"I guess I kind of know what you're talking about, but I never actually stopped to question if there were other options. Like you, my family has always been in the army, some of whom were knighted. It was just always a given that I would follow in their footsteps, although I don't think I take it as serious as they think I should." I started thinking about if there was anything I would rather do. I loved riding, but I never got to do that enough. I was always jealous of the court musicians. They always created such beautiful music, and I had always had a desire to do that. And of course, I would love to do anything non violent. Now that I had tamed my demon through years of practice, as well as releasing any pent up aggression through battle training, I would love to live a life of peace. As it was now, I was guaranteed to go to war at some point. We were always fighting someone it seemed.

"Hey." She nudged me. "Where did you go?"

"Huh?"

"You kind of went into your own little world there for a minute. I was saying we need to get going soon, the sun will be setting."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry." I mumbled back.

"You ok?" She looked at me with concerned eyes.

"Yeah. I guess. You just got me thinking about some things I haven't really thought about before."

"Uh-oh. Is that a good thing or bad thing?" She asked hesitantly.

"No! It's a good thing, sorry. No, anytime you make someone start thinking it's definitely a good thing." I smiled, assuring her. She gave a small smile back.

"Ok, if you say so. Whenever you want to talk about it though, you owe me." I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I owe you?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "I laid out everything for you, I deserve for you to do the same."

I gave her a big smile right back. "You've got a deal." She giggled at me.

We rode back in another comfortable silence. I don't know what she was thinking about, but I was thinking about everything that I could be doing if I wasn't tied to the court. Just like she was. It was a much shorter trip back to the stables than I anticipated. As we finished putting the horses up, she looked up at me with bright eyes.

"I'm Isabella, by the way." She gave me one of those blinding smiles again, holding back a laugh. I wasn't as lucky, I couldn't hold it back. Here we had shared, or she had at least, shared some very close secrets, and we didn't even know each other's names. I bowed to her deeply exaggerated.

"Jasper Whitlock at your service, m'lady." She laughed again.

"Well, sir Whitlock, I do look forward to engaging you in the very near future." I stood up and looked her straight in her eyes.

"As do I, Isabella."

And she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the years, Jasper and I have gotten to know each other extremely well. I remember after our first real conversation, I couldn't believe how I had just opened up and spilled everything to him and I felt like I should have been ashamed or embarrassed, but I wasn't. I didn't know why, but I had this inherent trust in him that couldn't be explained. Thankfully I had been right, and turns out, he trusted me just as much. He told me everything about himself. Well, almost everything. I could tell he was holding something back, but he told me so much that I knew whatever he was holding back must be hard to talk about, so I never pushed him, or even let him know that I thought there was something else.

He confided in me about his brother Peter. Understandably, they didn't like advertising their relationship for fear of it being exploited by others to get ahead in this court use one as a weakness against the other, although from what he told me, he and Peter cared a lot for each other. They would find ways to speak with each other at least once a week, away from everyone else. I hated that they had to be so restricted from each other. Just another thing I didn't like about this life.

My mother had given up on me long ago, as far as trying to harvest a love of the court in me. Of course I was loyal to the crown, you absolutely had to be, and I had no desire to go against the crown at all. I just didn't want to live this way. I never had. I never fit in, I was always getting myself and the other girls in trouble for playing when we were younger. We were never allowed to play. We were to be little ladies and continuously expected to be prim and proper. Now that I'm grown, I can look back and see that it is absolutely unfair to expect young children to act in such a way. I believe with everything in me that children are meant to be free and do as they please. The handful of times I had accompanied the princess outside the gates into the village, she would always remark on how dirty and filthy everyone, especially the children were, but I never saw the filth, I only saw happiness. Pure happiness lived on the faces of every child I came across. They had nothing, but were so happy. And here I had everything, and was anything but happy.

Well, except when I was with Jasper.

Just the thought of him brought a smile to my face.

He was so much more than a friend, but I didn't know how to really describe it. I felt something for him that I had never felt for anyone else. He was my everything. The longer I went without talking to him, the worse I would feel. And unfortunately there would often be long stretches where we couldn't get away to speak with each other. But whenever we could get away, it was always so great. We would talk for hours about everything; things that were going on in our lives, but what we loved was talking about what we would be doing if we weren't living here.

"I think I've definitely decided I'd like to have a farm." He said with a grin. I laughed loudly at him, he changed his mind at least twenty times a year about what he wanted to do.

"So we're back to farming again?" I asked.

"What?" He tried feigning hurt, but wasn't successful, as he started laughing with me. "I'm serious this time!"

"Sure you are, just like you were serious about being a blacksmith last time."

One thing was for sure though, we always had a wonderful time with each other. On days we didn't get to see each other, but still had some time for riding, we each would try to find new areas where we could meet. Not that we were hiding at all, we just preferred our privacy. We spoke of things we would never have spoke of with anyone else, and didn't want anyone overhearing our conversations, since anything could be used against you in order for someone to get what they wanted around here.

We would always meet at our little clearing, and then if one of us had discovered a new place, we would go from there, but we mostly hung out there. Today he was leading me to a spot he found that I could tell he was so excited about. I had to tell him several times to slow down.

"What were you even doing back through all this undergrowth? It doesn't look like anyone has ever come through here!" I teased him.

"I know," he laughed, "I barely made it back before dark. I had to come out here a couple times before I was comfortable enough to bring you without getting lost. But don't worry, it's not much farther."

I loved being out like this with him. When we were out away from everyone and everything, I could pretend we never had to go back, that we were gone forever, and only had each other. I shook my head at those thoughts, I had started sounding like those stupid girls back at court, with their heads in the clouds, making plans with any man that would throw them a spare glance.

Shortly after crossing a small stream, he turned the corner and stopped. There down the hill in a small valley was the most magnificent structure, or what was left of it, that I had ever seen. It reminded me of some of the older churches I had seen in paintings just based on the way the end walls came up in a curve to a point. Most of the back side wall was still standing, but nearly the entire front side wall was gone. In the center was a large fireplace with a tall chimney reaching far above any other point of the building. And the entire thing was blanketed in a perfect layer of ivy.

It was beautiful.

"So what do you think?" I could tell he already knew, he was smiling big at me.

"It's just so….." I couldn't even finish. He knew I would love it.

"Well come on then!" and he rode down the hill with me following. It was even more spectacular to explore. I found a couple long pews that hadn't rotted away yet, as well as a table. I loved it so much. I hadn't realized I had gone so long without speaking until Jasper stopped me. "Ok, so I know you like it, but I would like to _hear_ you say it." He laughed.

"Oh, Jasper, it's perfect! Absolutely perfect! I never want to leave this place!"

He laughed at me. "Well, at some point we'll have to, but we can stay as long as you like, as long as we get back before dark."

We spent what felt like hours looking all over and exploring every nook and cranny. I found what looked to be an old rotten book, as well as an extremely tarnished brass goblet.

"I wonder why it was abandoned." I asked aloud.

"If it was a protestant church, the king probably refused anyone to use it after he came into power. If you weren't catholic, you were a heathen, you know." He teased. It made sense though, I remembered in some of my lessons how the protestants were removed once the current lineage came into power. I'm sure it would have been the same for the catholics if the tables were turned.

"It's a shame." I mumbled. "I bet it was beautiful in it's own time."

"It must have been if it still is in it's current state." He said walking around.

After memorizing every inch, I said down on the soft ivy and laid back. It was so peaceful, it felt like I could let all my burdens go here. It was a small little valley that seemed to be made just for the church, and thick forest surrounded all sides. It was like our little hideaway, more so than our original clearing. I felt him lay down beside me in the grass and ivy.

"And I thought it would be good inspiration for your sketches." He said looking over at me. I smiled at him. Everyone else thought my sketches and drawing were silly, but it helped me recall all the beauty that I had ever experienced, and was a way for me to carry it with me forever. They also helped to inspire colors or movement whenever I decided to make a new dress or gown. There was one I had been secretly working on for months. I would never admit it to him, but Jasper was the one who inspired that one. I was making it for the winter ball this year. I had always had the idea in my head, but it wasn't until I found the exact perfect shade of blue that I started actually bringing it to fruition. The main color was an icy blue that reminded me so much of the eyes that I loved looking into, with gold draping that reminded me of his hair that I loved so much too. It was trimmed in white, representing the pureness of his soul, and the love I felt for him. It was a bit much, creating a ballgown based on a person, but it was just for me. No one would ever know, it simply looked like a winter gown to everyone else. I was brought out of my thoughts by a tugging on my arm. I looked up to see Jasper laughing at me.

"What?" I asked smiling.

"You must have really been sleeping sound, we need to go and get out of the rain." Sure enough, I realized my face was wet and my hair was sticking to me.

"Oh! I didn't even realize I was asleep!" I jumped up brushing myself off. "How long has it been raining?"

"I don't know." He said leading me up to our horses. "I fell asleep too." He looked up to the sky worried. "And I can't tell how late it is, if it's dark from the clouds, or if we've just waited to late to leave." I followed his gaze, the sky was a solid dark gray. I dreaded the inquisitions if I came back drenched _and_ late. We rode as quickly as possible through the underbrush. I regretted leaving my cape behind at the castle, I was chilled to the bone. As my horse followed Jasper like a shadow, I started thinking about a warm fire in a small room and it seemed to ward off the chill a bit. When we finally broke out of the forest, we kicked our horses into sprints toward the stables and arrived in just a couple minutes. Jasper was off his horse first.

"I am so sorry Bella! This is all my fault, I should have been paying attention!" He held so much concern for me, he knew what I would face when I got in there. I just smiled back at him as he helped me down.

"Jasper, please don't worry. It's not your fault, we are both adults and answer for ourselves. I will deal with them as I always have." I reached up and rested my hand on his cheek. I could feel him lean into it slightly. "Whatever I have coming could never take away from today. Being with you is the best thing, and I would deal with the wrath of the queen herself if it meant an hour in your presence." He reached up and held my hand tighter against his cheek and used his other hand to move my hair from face gently.

"Bella, I.."

"Bella!" I heard a shrill whisper from the other end of the stables. We both turned to see a very soaked, very _angry_ Charlotte stomping toward us. "Where have you been? I can only wait for you so long." And with that she grabbed my free hand and tugged me away from Jasper. I looked back sending him an apologetic smile, and he waved with a smile back at me. "Oh, and Jasper, you know Peter's waiting to kill you, right?" Charlotte smirked back at him. I saw him sigh and dropped his head exaggeratedly in resignation.

"Yeah, I figured as much." And he went to work putting up our horses.

Charlotte and I ran hand in hand toward the east gate. Once we got inside, clear of the rain, we slowed a bit.

"Bless you Charlotte." I said breathlessly as we wound our way through the halls up to the ladies' rooms.

"Oh, I don't want to hear it. Do you know how much you owe me? The list gets longer each day Bella." She was trying to sound cross with me, but I could hear the smile just under the surface.

"Yes, yes, I know, my firstborn and my first born's firstborn." I joked. She laughed at that just as we made our way through the large door. Fortunately I was faced with just a couple of sour faces.

"Isabella! Charlotte! Where have you two been? Oh my word, just look at the two of you!" We both curtsied and dropped our faces in a show of shame, although neither one of us could have cared less.

"Our apologies M'Lady." We said in unison.

"Yes, yes. Get to your room and quickly change. Dinner has already been served, although we really should have just left without you, maybe then you would learn to get back at a decent hour." We heard Jane's voice trail behind us as we quickly made it to our room. As soon as closed the door behind us we burst into giggles.

"Because missing dinner would have been the end of the world!" Charlotte said dramatically.

I laughed in agreement, and we quickly changed out of our dresses. The warm dry clothes felt so good, I didn't realize how cold I had gotten. We helped each other braid our wet hair and wrap it around in some semblance of being fixed, and then quickly went back to the main room where Jane and a few others were waiting. We lowered our eyes as we walked by her, still suppressing our laughs.

It's not as though we disrespected her, we understood that her job was difficult, and our behavior reflected on her, we just felt so suffocated by everything, if we didn't act out, we would go crazy. Charlotte had never spoken to me directly about how she felt about it all, just because you had to be so very careful, but based on her behavior, I felt a kinship towards her. She was several years older than me, and although I remember growing up how she had worked very hard at trying to please the ladies who were over us, at some point she changed and just stopped trying so hard. She still took it serious enough to remain in their good graces, which helped me immensely. I wasn't a troublemaker by any means, I just thought different, and nobody likes a thinker.

We rounded the corner into the dining hall and took our seats. The rest of the ladies were already seated, murmuring among themselves. I caught many glances at us, but neither Charlotte nor I cared. I sat, thinking about the day with Jasper. I enjoyed being with him so much, I only wish we had more time together. What if we had everyday, all day together? We could do as we wished with no responsibilities to anyone but ourselves. I thought about what he had said recently about farming. I smiled at the thought of him working fields during the day, coming home at night, and before I knew it, my head had us married with children. I nearly gasped at this revelation. Did I really want to marry him? I had never really thought about it before. I mean, of course he was the closest person to me, I trusted him completely, and there was no one else I felt comfortable with. I had really never thought of marriage at all. In fact, I had silently ridiculed the others when I overheard them talking about it. I just felt like it wasn't something that I would want. Tied to one man to attend to his every beck and call, never thinking once of myself. But when I thought about that with Jasper, it didn't seem so bad. He never demanded anything of me, he was never arrogant or rude, even when I saw him outside of our little bubble, he was still the same with the other men as he was with me, only more serious of course. Suddenly I felt ashamed and felt my face get hot just thinking of how far I had let my mind drift. How ridiculous to make up fantasies about a life with Jasper. I was just his friend, nothing more. I looked down as I tried to compose myself before I got too upset. I felt Charlotte elbow me.

"Where did you go?" She furrowed her brow but had a small smile on her face. I laughed softly.

"Just letting my mind wander again, you know me." I said softly. She still looked concerned but let it go, and turned to pick up her conversation with someone else. The rest of the evening went by in a blur, and even once I retired for the night, I was still trying to make sense of the mess I had created between my head and my heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I've taken my sweet time updating this. But thanks for sticking with me, things are about to get good.**

I still couldn't believe I had almost told Bella how I felt about her. I don't even know where it came from. I hadn't planned on it, even though I had thought about a hundred times a day. I knew I couldn't live without her, and after Peter finally sat me down, I knew I didn't want to.

He had talked about how he nearly lost Charlotte after dragging his feet, and finally manned up and told her how he felt. He admitted he was scared to death, but once he told her, and found out she felt the same, he knew he had been crazy for waiting. And he had no doubt that Bella felt the same about me. He swore Charlotte never told him anything about Bella, which I know Bella is private, but don't girls usually talk about that kind of thing?

I was still lost in thought the next day during sparring.

"Jasper! Get your head out of your ass!" Peter bellowed. I heard some giggling from a couple fields over and saw that the princess and her entourage were out walking by the river, and had caught his words, Bella included. I turned and scowled at him, seeing the glint in his eyes. He may have looked furious to the other men, but I could tell he was trying to make fun of me in front of them. So I went at him hard, and I swear it looked like he was grinning every time our swords hit, instead of just gritting his teeth at me. I was just getting the upper hand on him when an ear piercing whistle ripped our attention away.

It was Charlotte. She was facing us whistling as hard as she could to get our attention. And it was definitely not a playful whistle. We dropped our swords and raced towards where they were standing. All the women but Charlotte were lined up along the rivers edge screaming and pointing.

All except Bella.

When I got closer, Charlotte pointed down the way the river flowed. She was looking right at me, terrified.

"She fell in, she's getting swept away and can't stop."

Peter and I took off at a sprint down the river. I couldn't see her. The river was moving so fast, I wondered how far she had gotten. The I heard a scream up ahead. There she was, she had hit up against a rock and was holding on with all she had.

I didn't even think about it, I jumped in as soon as I saw her.

The water was shockingly cold and nearly took my breath away. The water whisked me toward Bella, and right past her I grabbed an overhanging branch. I was about four feet in front of her.

"Jasper! Help me!" She cried. Her eyes were filled with terror, and I noticed her lips had started turning blue.

"I'm right here Bella," I called to her. "Let go and I'll catch you." She shook her head hard side to side. "Bella, I promise, I'll catch you!" She started slipping and whimpered. "Bella, please! You have to trust me!" I yelled at her. She looked at me right in the eyes, and I wasn't sure if she didn't hear me, or was thinking about it. "Bella, it's me! Have I ever let you down?" And that was it. I saw her take a deep breath and let herself slide off the rock. She tried to keep her head up, but the water pulled her under. I reached out to where I could see her under the water, and felt her arm grab at me. I pulled with all strength to bring her up above the surface. As soon as I heard her sputtering and coughing I cried out in relief. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held on tight as she gasped for air and coughed the water out of her lungs. I didn't realize how worried I had been until the relief hit me. I tried pulling us up from the branch, but her wet clothes were weighing us down.

"Jasper!" I heard Peter cry out above us. He was holding out his hand but he was just too far away. I pulled harder on the branch that was holding us out of the water, reaching toward his hand, and almost had it, when I heard a crack. I looked over just as the branch broke free from the tree and we fell back into the river. Bella and I held as tight as we could to each other, but the water slammed us against a rock and knocked her loose from me. I saw her head go down, and I fought to get to her. I could feel the panic start to creep over me. We were finally getting to a shallower part of the river, several hundred feet down from where we started, when I saw her head bob to the surface. I dove toward her and grabbed hold, but this time when I brought her back up, there was no coughing or sputtering. I was screaming Peter's name while I dragged her up out of the water onto dry ground. I laid her back and froze. Her lips were blue, eyes closed, and she wasn't breathing.

"What do I do?" I begged Peter. I couldn't lose her, I just knew I couldn't. Nothing would make sense without her.

"Move!" Charlotte yelled, shoving Peter out of the way and falling on her knees beside Bella. She quickly rolled Bella onto her side and starting beating on her back. "Push on her stomach!" She looked at me and demanded. We started alternating, Charlotte landing blows to her back, and me pushing her stomach as hard as I dared. I had no idea what I was doing, but Charlotte did, and that was all I needed. Until I heard the coughing and sputtering. _That_ was all I needed. Bella started coughing and spitting up so much water, it was amazing and frightening how much she had in her. She rolled back onto the ground, gasping for breath, once she had expelled all the water she could. Charlotte sat back on her feet and let out a sigh of relief. I gently rubbed the hair out of Bella's face while her breathing slowed. She finally opened her eyes and gave me a small smile.

"Hi." She croaked out.

"Hey." I chuckled, even though I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't help it knowing how close I came to losing her. I pulled her up to me quickly and held her to me and she wrapped her arms around me just as tight. I wasn't planning on letting her go anytime soon, but just then the princess walked up.

"Bella dear, you gave us quite the scare." She was a little to calm for my liking, and I swore that it sounded as if she were trying not to laugh. Bella and I looked over at her. "How about next time I ask you to do a simple task, you keep your dramatics to a minimum? Which speaking of, did you even get my ribbon out of that bush?"

The shock I felt at her words caused my eyes to go wide, and I could feel a burning from deep down inside, a feeling I hadn't felt in many years. I felt Bella's hand on my cheek, as well as a firm pressure from Peter on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry princess." Was all she said. She then lowered her eyes as if she was ashamed of her actions. I felt a small spark of anger flare up. I know that we were to cater to the royal family, but Bella's life had been risked, and yet _she_ was the one apologizing.

"Yes, well, luckily you are the one person that can make me a new one. Charlotte, why don't you accompany her back to the castle to change into some dryer attire, and I will just plan on seeing the two of you at dinner tonight. _Preferably on time_. Come along ladies." And she whisked around us to continue down the side of the river.

I heard Charlotte grumbling something under her breath as her eyes followed the princess out of earshot.

"Come on Jasper, we need to get back to the other men." Peter said as he stood up. I looked over at him with the same astonishment as if he had demanded I sprout wings and fly.

"Peter Whitlock!" Charlotte admonished. "He will do no such thing! _You_ can go back to your men, Jasper will accompany Bella and I back to our room."

"Charlotte, I'm just trying to think of how it will look to the others." He tried explaining.

"Well Peter, I just don't think I could trust Charlotte to carry me in case my legs give out." Bella stated with a smirk. Peter blew out a sigh of resignation knowing he was outnumbered, and stalked angrily back toward the sparring field.

"Lead the way, m'lady" I said to Charlotte smiling as I picked Bella up in my arms.

"Oh Jasper, I was only joking with Peter, I can walk." Bella laughed.

"Nonsense. I wouldn't be surprised if I had to carry you around for the next two weeks." I smiled and she laughed at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned her head against my shoulder on the way back to the castle, and shortly after I felt her breathing even out. Charlotte and I talked the whole way back, as I carried a sleeping Bella in my arms.

"So how is she?" Peter asked as we walked back toward the castle. It was late evening and we had met up after he had finished up with the sparring.

"She was sleeping when I left her. Charlotte will take good care of her, I'm sure."

"So did you tell her?"

"No. She fell asleep on the way back and didn't wake up before I left. Besides, I feel like it's not just something that can just be thrown out there, I feel like there needs to be some kind of grand gesture, like it should be special."

"Absolutely not. I mean, of course that would be great, but waiting around for the best moment is what will cost you. Who cares as long as she knows. Besides, she doesn't seem like a grand gesture kind of girl." Peter pointed out.

"You're right. I just need to tell her. First chance I get, I'll tell her."

Only my first chance didn't come as fast as I had hoped. It was nearly a week and a half before I saw her again. I had went to go get my horse to go riding, and noticed hers was gone too. I was suddenly excited about the prospect of seeing her, and finally telling her everything I had bottled up for so long. I knew exactly where she would be, and went to find the ruins of the chapel we had been to last.

As I came to the edge of the valley, I saw her sitting against one side of the walls, with her sketchbook spread in front of her, but her head was propped back against the wall and she was sleeping. She was so beautiful, she had a small smile on her face, and I found myself wishing I was the one who put that smile there. I don't know how long I was lost in my own head watching her, when I was brought back to reality by the sounds of voices coming from the other side of the valley. I could tell they were men's voices, and I knew we were too far from the castle for it to be roaming guards or soldiers. Fear shot through me at the thought of Bella being caught alone, I was much too far away to get to her in time. I could only hope they would completely bypass the valley. I started slowly working my way down, trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to draw attention toward her. I was about halfway down when they broke through the tree line. I stopped and waited. There were five of them, and they looked about as rough as they come. Their loud voices echoed through the trees, and Bella started stirring. My heart caught in my chest as I willed her to stay still, unfortunately she didn't read my mind.

"Oy, look what we have here!" I heard one of their rough voices say as she stood up. I watched as she froze when she saw what she was being faced with. I was screaming in my head for her to run, but instead she stood up straight to face them.

"Smart one, this is. She knows better to run." I heard another one say, and I felt that familiar burning inside me once again, as I interpreted his meaning. Bella must have done the same thing, because she turned and shot away toward the opposite direction, and I worked to scramble down the hillside as they pursued after her. She probably would have made it if not for those damn skirts. They grabbed her around the waist and pinned her to a tree just below where I was. I could see him holding her face, and I could see his lips moving as he was talking to her, but I couldn't hear anything, except for the roar of my demon breaking loose.


	4. Chapter 4

A week and a half later I was finally free to go riding. I kept watching for Jasper throughout the day to try to get him to go with me, but I could never find him, so I decided to go on by myself. I hadn't seen him since my little dip in the river, and my heart actually hurt from missing him. Charlotte had told me how scared he had been, she had told me how he jumped in after me, without a second thought. I wished I could remember it. I just barely remember him carrying me, and even that memory was a little fuzzy. I tried justifying to both myself and Charlotte that he was just being the chivalrous man he always was, but she insisted that what she saw was no act of chivalry, but an act of love. I just couldn't let myself get my hopes up about him, although I found myself entertaining thought of us more and more.

I decided since I had some time to myself, I would work on some sketches that I had been let simmer in my head. I went out to my new favorite spot, well, our favorite spot, that was much like our own little piece of heaven on earth. I found the perfect vantage point where there was a break in the trees and you could see right through the canopy to the sky. The clouds were partially covering the sun, but would filter the beautiful rays down through the trees, spotlighting different parts of the forest floor.

I started putting my thoughts and ideas to paper, but soon my mind began to wander back to Jasper. He was all consuming, and I enjoyed every minute of it. My eyes grew heavy and dropped as I imagined us living in a small cottage in this very spot, doing the mundane things in life, but enjoying everything we did. We could see each other whenever we liked, instead of relying on stolen moments here and there. It was a perfect life.

I wanted to stay in this place forever, but something roused me from my sleep, and I wasn't sure for a moment what it was. I looked around for a moment before standing, and unfortunately finding what exactly woke me. Several large, calloused looking men stood looking at me from the other side of the lot, maybe twenty yards away. I straightened up, not wanting to look scared or intimidated, but I could feel my pulse pounding with fear. These were not just a band of travelers. These were criminals, and they were looking at me like starved wolves eyeing a fat lamb.

"Smart one, this is. She knows better to run." I heard one of them say in a raspy voice. Then I realized that's what I should have done in the first place. Run. So I took off running away from them, but it's just so hard to run with the skirts and undergarments. I didn't make it very far at all before one of them had me pinned up against a tree. He pressed himself up against me, and I struggled not to be sick right there. His foul breath in my face did nothing to help the matter. All I could do was think how this was going to ruin anything that I could have had with Jasper. The thought he was going to take away something I could never get back, that was reserved for someone else, infuriated me past fear.

"There you go poppet, no need to struggle and scream." He sneered as he reached down for my dress. I snorted and snuffed like I had seen the men do before, and spit in his face, maybe if I made him mad enough, he would just go ahead and kill me instead of torturing me. His face twisted into fury and pulled his fist back. I closed my eyes waiting for impact, but it never came. I opened them back, and his eyes were set in a horrified blank stare. His grip on me had loosened and I was able to slip away. I looked down at the sword that was buried in his gut. Jasper yanked it back out, and looked towards the other men that were standing behind my attacker. His look was absolutely murderous, and I realized I wasn't worried about him being outnumbered. I was confident in knowing these men would never harm another person in this life. His movements were quick and fluid, and at times seemed unnatural. It didn't seem very long at all until the men were all spread across the ground, all slain by Jasper. He stood looking down at them, his shoulders heaving as he caught his breath. I slowly walked up and touched his shoulder lightly. He spun and faced me. His hair had fell down into his eyes, his face still set in fury. I gasped and took a step back, and his face immediately softened. He stepped to me slowly, never breaking eye contact.

"Are you ok?" He breathed out. I nodded my head, unable to speak in coherent words. "Good." He said, pulling me to him swiftly and kissing me deeply. My arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair, as his free arm wound around my waist pressing me tightly into him. Suddenly I had forgotten where I was, or what had happened, and all that existed was us. When we finally broke apart, he leaned his forehead against mine.

"I'm so sorry." He barely whispered, his voice sounding almost broken. "You were never supposed to see that….that side of me." I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Stop. You had no choice. You saved my life, and if you hadn't killed them, they would have killed us both." We both shuddered at the thought.

"Please...you have to know I would never…..I could never hurt you.." I jerked my face back from him.

"Jasper Andrew Whitlock, how dare you assume I would think such a thing! I know you would never hurt me, I trust you more than anyone else in this world. How dare you think I would put such little faith in you." He looked both shocked and slightly surprised.

"I am sorry, I just, I know that was very different from how you've ever seen me, I just wanted to give you a chance to-"

"To what? Run? Jasper," I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "I love you far too much to ever run from you. I will _never_ run from you." He stared at me in shock.

"You…...you love me?" My heart stuttered at the thought of him being appalled at my admission. My eyes darted elsewhere, looking anywhere other than his face. I didn't think before I had said it, and now, now I had pushed too hard, too fast, and now I could feel my face flaming and my eyes stinging.. Damn that Charlotte, filling my head with garbage.

"Bella! Bella, did you hear me?" He said shaking me slightly. I looked up at him as he smiled back at me. "I said I love you too." Now it was me that stared in disbelief. "I think I have always loved you." He said as he placed his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into him smiling.

"What a pair we are, confessing our love amongst the corpses of thieves." I said, and we both laughed.

"Yes, well, we aren't really known for doing things as we should." He said with a smile, then pulled me to him in a loving kiss, to which I melted into him. "But I promise Bella," he said with a much more serious tone, "you will never see that side of me again. I have worked hard to keep the demon locked away tight, and I promise I-"

"Jasper." I stopped him, leaning back to look at him. "What you did was necessary. If not for your _demon_, it would be us lying dead on the ground instead." He lowered his eyes, shaking his head.

"Listen to me Jasper, that is a part of you just as much as the sweet, amazing man that I know is a part of you, and there is a reason for that. You may not want to believe it, and you may not even like it, but you need that fire, take today for example. Jasper, please hear what I am telling you. Don't you ever tame your demon. Always keep him on a leash."

He looked at me wide eyed in disbelief. "I've…..I've been told for so long that it was bad, that there was something wrong with me. But you're right, if not for that fire, that _demon_ that my mother liked to call it, I would have never been able to help you. You, Isabella, are absolutely amazing. You see things no one else can." And he pulled me into a fierce hug.

"I do have a favor to ask of you though." I said once we had broke apart.

"Anything." He said smiling down at me.

"I would like you to teach me to fight." Just as I had expected, his smile faltered.

"I'm sorry?"

"If you hadn't had shown up here, I would have had no chance against those men." A look of fury passed his eyes as he remembered what had almost transpired. "If I had known how to handle myself, I may have been able to fight them off enough to get away." He took a step back, one hand on his hips, the other gripping his sword tightly. He looked down at the ground in concentration. I knew this was an extremely odd request, and had it been anyone other than Jasper, I would have never dared to ask. It was unheard of for women to engage in any kind of activity like fighting.

"I understand why you are asking, but I just can't stand the thought of you being in a situation where you would need those particular skills." He said through clenched teeth, still not looking at me.

"I know." I said softly. "But as much as I would like for you to be, you can't be there for me all the time." He looked up at me, and nodded slightly.

"Yes, it does seem to be a necessary evil. I will consider it." He said, looking away from me again.

"Do you not think I'm capable?" I was purposely trying to make him feel bad, thinking he would give in, but he knew me too well, and looked up at me in a scowl.

"You know very well I think you're capable of just about anything. Certainly more capable than any other woman in the kingdom. I have no doubt you would succeed in this as you do everything else. That's not what concerns me. I don't like the idea of you having to use it one day-"

"And maybe I won't! But wouldn't it be good to know just in case?"

"Of course, but that isn't the only reason I'm hesitant."

"If you're worried about anyone else finding out-"

"That's not it either. If I teach you, then we have to spar, which means I would have to fight against you. I don't know if I can." He said the last part softly. When I realized his hesitations weren't for me actually fighting, I felt a little more sympathetic. I stepped forward and took his hand.

"I understand. Well, just think about it, and if you want to, if you can, then we will. If you aren't comfortable with it, then that's ok too." He raised my hand to his lips.

"Thank you my Bella. I do think it would be best for you to know how to defend yourself. I just need to think about it, and how best to approach it."

He surprised me on our next ride by bringing two swords with him. It had began to get much colder, so he was able to conceal the fact he was carrying two, under his overcoat. Our first lesson didn't go as well as I had hoped. I would have never imagined a sword would have weighed so much! He couldn't help but laugh at me, which only served to make me mad, so I actually was able to raise it over my head one time, but I had absolutely no control over it. He told me I needed to work on my upper arm and body strength over the next couple of weeks, that there was no reason to even try to practice if I couldn't even lift the sword. I felt bad wasting his time, but he didn't seem to mind. I spent the next couple weeks doing everything I could to build up my strength. Lifting things that were much too heavy, as well as some exercises Jasper had taught me, when no one else was around. The next time we met, we were both surprised at how much easier it was for me to lift and control the sword.

The next few months we met as often as we could for practice, but our meetings became more sparse as the winter weather grew worse, not to mention everyone was quite busy with preparing for the holidays, as well as the return of the Prince. He had been away for a few years now, something about relations with neighboring kingdoms, I didn't really understand it all. Jasper tried explaining it to me, but gave up, laughing at me when I dozed off.

We were still keeping our relationship private, but had decided with the upcoming winter ball, we would officially 'come out' as many of the ladies referred to it, which was really nothing more than just being seen with one another. Even though I had always ridiculed ladies who had gone before me, about their 'coming out, I found myself so excited that I couldn't eat anything the entire week before the ball. The day of the ball, Charlotte was helping me tweak my dress just a bit.

"You know, you're gonna sew this thing to death." She joked. She knew I had been working non stop on it for months, although I would never admit to her why.

"I just want to make sure it's perfect."

"Mmhmm. And why would that be?" She said, cocking her eyebrow at me.

"Because I always want my gowns to be perfect." I said absentmindedly, purposely not paying her any mind. She rolled her eyes at me, but didn't say anything else. A few hours later, we were both dressed, and finished doing each other's hair.

"Charlotte, you are absolutely beautiful!" I grinned at her.

"You're just saying that because you know you look better than me." She joked, rolling her eyes. We giggled, stepping out of our room into the large main room where the other ladies waited, as we would all proceed out together, following the princess. They all gasped when they saw my gown. I looked down as I felt my face go red.

"Oh my word, that is exquisite!"

"Isabella, you have really outdone yourself this time!"

"Look at the colors, they are absolutely perfect!"

"The blue looks beautiful on your skin!"

"You're going to be prettier than the princess."

We all gasped and jerked our heads toward Lauren, who was known for speaking without thinking. And now because of her stupidity, I would surely pay the price.

"Oh really now." I felt queasy as soon as I heard her voice, and I knew if I had actually eaten anything, the gown would have been ruined. I felt Charlotte grasp my hand as the princess stepped from behind the crowd of women who had been admiring the gown before the stupid girl had spoke. They parted like the red sea as she walked toward me. Both Charlotte and I bowed low to her. "

Isabella, I must say, that is a most impressive work of art you are wearing there. Tell me, how long did it take for you to make this?"

"I...I've been working on it since the summer." I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but she was a bit too smug for me think she was just going to let it go.

"Since the summer? My goodness, this has been quite the undertaking! So, it's safe to say, this may be the most beautiful gown that you've ever made, and that you put more work and thought into this gown than any other you have ever made, including for myself.

Dread started creeping through my body as I slowly started to understand where she was going with this.

"Yes." I said quietly, trying to keep my composure.

"Then don't you think it makes sense for the _princess_ to wear it, instead of a lowly seamstress?" She said, leaning into my face. The room was absolutely silent. My body shook with the rage that was building inside of me. I was used to the irrational demands from the royal family, and I had learned how to just roll with the punches, but this was too far. This wasn't just a dress, this was, like she had said, this was my work of art. To the princess this was just another beautiful gown, one that would probably get tossed on the floor later tonight. But to me, it was so much more. To me it was a silent declaration of my love for the man that inspired me in all things. And because of who she was, she was going to take it from me, just because she could. And because stupid, stupid Lauren couldn't keep her mouth shut.

I must have stood there too long without saying anything, because the next thing I knew, four women were dragging me backwards to my room. I struggled against them as they began stripping me, as I cried, begging them to not let her take it. Charlotte was with them, tears in her eyes, and she kept whispering apologies over and over. In fact, they all looked sad. They didn't want to do this I knew it. I suddenly had an irrational thought to burn the dress. If I couldn't have it, then no one could. Once they had taken it off, I grabbed it from them and raced toward the fireplace. I stopped though, I couldn't do it. I suppose even if I couldn't wear it, at least it was out there. At least the statement had still been made, although it made me sick to think of anyone else wearing it. I turned and handed it back to them, resigned to know I would never be able to defy the princess.

They dressed her in a different room, while I stood numbly in the dimly lit room. Several minutes later the doors were thrown open and she waltzed in, spinning in front of me. The sight of her wearing it threatened to burn away any calm I had retained previously.

"What do you think, Isabella?" She said, as she flamboyantly turned, to let it fan out around her.

"Beautiful." I forced out. She pranced over and brought her face close to mine.

"Honestly, I'm not a fan of blue at all, I much prefer my dress, but you will learn better than to show up your princess in the future, won't you." Then she leaned back with an absolutely evil smile on her face. "I just wonder how Jasper Whitlock will fancy it?"

My heart was about to beat out of my chest, and I could feel my body trembling from the fury that threatened to take over. She laughed as she swayed out the door. I saw Charlotte's face as she shut the door behind her, she was just as heartbroken as I was. Only she hadn't heard what the princess had said to me, and I knew her anger would match mine if she had. After the door shut, I stood there for several minutes, trying my best to compose myself, but the anger would just flare right back up. And then I remembered her mentioning Jasper. Why would she mention him? Did she know about our relationship? What was she going to….? I screamed, and picked up the first thing I could lay hands on, and threw it against the far wall. I continued, screaming and destroying the room like a wild animal, until my throat was raw, and I had worn myself out. I fell onto my knees in front of the fire in tears, losing myself as I stared into the flame.

**Just wanted to let you know, I did include a line from Hozier's Arsonist's Lullaby in this chapter. That song is actually what inspired this story, and I was really excited to finally get to the place where I could use the words from the song. Go listen to it. It's Awesome. **

**MSB**


	5. Chapter 5

"Maybe you should go sit with the ladies." Peter said exasperatedly as I paced a hole through the rug. I gave him a dirty look, but continued pacing. I wasn't nervous, but excited. Not only could I not wait to see Bella, but I was excited to be able to dance with her, to hold her without reservation in front of others.

Peter knocked me out of my thoughts when it was finally time for the processional. We all walked down to the ballroom and lined up to wait for the ladies to come out and greet us. The princess of course led, but I was watching specifically for a brown eyed brunette with hair piled on top of her head, only, she never came. I caught Charlotte's eye, and there was such a sad look in her eyes, and she shook her head the least little bit and looked away.

_She wasn't coming?_

Why? Why wouldn't she come? She had been so excited for this night, just as much as I had been. Suddenly I felt so hot and queasy. Maybe she had changed her mind about going public with our relationship. Had she gotten scared? But why wouldn't she just come and tell me that in person? She never hid from me, why now?

I was so lost in thought I barely registered the princess in front of me.

"Jasper Whitlock." She said firmly, with a smug smile on her face.

"Your highness." I said simply, as I took her hand and bowed to her.

"What do you think of my gown?" She said, spreading the skirt with her hands.

"Beautiful." I said absent-mindedly. My mind was much too occupied to worry over a silly gown.

"Yes, that seems to be the consensus." She said with a weird smile on her face. "I do wish to speak to you later, Jasper." And with that she moved on to Peter, standing next to me. I was extremely confused. The princess had never paid me any attention, and now she was asking my opinion about gowns, and wanting to speak with me? I shook my head, there was far too much going on for me to think straight. We continued with the pleasantries while the line of ladies came through and greeted each one of us. When Charlotte got to me, we went through the motions, but had a much different conversation.

"Where is she?" I asked softly.

"She's in her room, you must go to her."

"What happened?" I felt prickles of fear and anger. Fear at the thought of her not wanting me any more. Anger that someone may have hurt her. Charlotte gave me no indication of which I should expect.

"I can't say here, but please, just go to her." Charlotte pleaded quietly, and then she moved on to Peter. My eyes danced across the room. I had to get to Bella, but that was much easier said than done. There was a lot of pomp and circumstance during these things, and I would be missed, especially since the princess had zeroed in on me. But Charlotte had seemed desperate for me to get to her. I decided to try and slip out before any of the festivities started. As everyone started to mingle, I worked my way toward one of the doors. I glanced toward Peter, and he nodded in my direction, and I made sure the princess had her back to me, and I slipped out the door.

As soon as I knew I was out of earshot of the ballroom, and I didn't hear the doors opening with anyone coming after me, I sprinted towards the women's chambers. When I got to the sitting room, all I could hear was silence. I went to the door I knew to belong to Bella and Charlotte, and slowly opened it. I was met with a shocking sight. The entire room had been ravaged. There was broken pottery and glass everywhere, as well as ripped and torn fabric, most likely remnants of dresses. There were broken chairs, and tables overturned. My first thought was that she had been attacked, and I could feel the heat of my anger beginning to run through my veins. My eyes searched the dim room for her, and finally found her sitting motionless in front of the dying fire, barely dressed. I walked slowly over to her.

"Bella?"

No answer.

I went and pulled a blanket off the bed, knowing she had to be chilled, but there was no movement from her when I draped it around her shoulders. I sunk to my knees beside her, and was shocked at her state. Her eyes were wide and unblinking, staring into the fire. But there was no look of fear or anger on her face, in fact is was completely blank. The worry I had had earlier for my own self had diminished, as well as the anger, only to be replaced with concern for her. I laid my hand on her shoulder gently.

"Bella?" I said a little louder. She didn't even flinch. I started to panic, and grabbed her roughly and turned her toward me. Her eyes were completely blank. "Bella!" I yelled as I shook her. "Bella, please, come back to me!" I shook her for a few more seconds before she finally blinked a couple times, and her breath came in shuddering gasps. I closed my eyes in relief as I held her against my chest. I felt her fist my shirt as she breathed deeply and calmed herself down. She finally backed up enough to look up at me.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?"

"I came to ask you the same thing. I thought we had a date?" I tried to smile, but I was still so concerned with what had happened here, I'm not sure it truly came through. Her eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around me.

"Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry!" My previous fear of her letting me go resurfaced, and my heart clenched at the possibility of losing her. "She…..she ruined everything!" She sniffed against my chest.

"Wait, what?" I asked confused.

She told me the whole story of what had transpired, and while I was relieved that my initial fear was unfounded, I was completely disgusted at the princess's behaviour, which turned to anger when she told me what she had said to her before leaving, and then of course knowing how she had baited me in the receiving line.

"And this?" I motioned toward the rest of the room. She dropped her head.

"I was just so angry, I just couldn't hold it in any more." She looked around her room. "It got a little...out of hand." She dropped her head into her hands. I could tell she was very upset by not just what the princess had done to her, but her own behaviour as well.

"Looks like you let your own demon off the leash." I smirked, referring to my own show of anger several months prior. She raised her head and met my eyes, before giving me a small smile. "I have to ask though, why now? I have seen and heard the princess do some extremely offensive things in the past. Why was this time so different?" She hesitated before answering me.

"It was the dress. I made it…...special. I spent a lot of time on it, more time than I have on any other dress. It was special…..for tonight." I felt her tears falling on my hand that still held her cheek.

"I'm so sorry she did this to you. I wish there was something I could do." In reality I wanted to go rip the dress off that vile woman, who wasn't good enough to wear even the ripped shreds of Bella's beautiful creations that lay on the floor now. Princess or not, I knew I would forever hate that woman for what she had done to my Bella, not just this time, but for every time she had felt the need to make sure that Bella knew she was beneath her.

"I guess I better start cleaning up before Charlotte gets back." She said pushing herself up. Bella was relieved to find she had only broke one thing of Charlotte's, although I hated that so many of her own things were destroyed. We started cleaning up, and picking up all the broken items and disposing of them. There was a shattered vase and mirror, the leg and arm of a sitting chair, some ripped dresses, but what hurt me most was her sketchbook. She had thrown it into the fireplace. I could see the cover black and burnt, but all the paper holding her beautiful drawings had been burned away. I stood staring sadly into the fire. I didn't blame Bella though, I knew more than anyone what it was like to be driven over the edge. To lose your mind, and in the process, yourself. I hated so much that someone did something so horrible to her to push her to that point.

"I'm sorry." She said in a soft voice behind me. "I know how much you loved those drawings. I just….." I walked over to her and took her in my arms.

"I loved them because you loved them. I don't want you to give up though. I don't want you to give up on _anything_." She looked up at me curiously.

"What do you mean?" She asked. I leaned down to her ear.

"I believe we were meant for a very different life than this, a better, happier life than this, and I plan on seeing you happy for the rest of my life." I said softly. I leaned back to look at her, and she was smiling with tears in her eyes. She reached up on her tiptoes to seal my promise with a kiss.

I woke up the next morning being roughly shaken. I barely opened my eyes to see Peter looming over me, and shut them back.

"What?" I mumbled.

"Get up, idiot, we gotta go!" He said quickly in a hushed tone.

"Go where?" I asked, still not opening my eyes to him. I was so warm and comfortable, more so than I had been in a long time. I definitely wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Look at where you are." He said firmly. I finally opened my eyes enough to see I wasn't in my own bed, but laying beside Bella, with her still sleeping soundly. I jumped up, suddenly wide awake.

"Oh no, what time is it?" I looked toward the window and the sun was just starting to come over the mountains.

"It's still early, but we have to go now before anyone else sees us." I let him drag me out of bed, only after kissing Bella gently on the cheek, earning me a sleepy smile. I hated that she would wake up without me there.

"Don't worry." Charlotte whispered from her side of the room. "I'll make sure she knows you were dragged out against your will." She snickered with a smile. I rolled my eyes at her and quickly followed Peter out the door. Once we were clear of the ladies' chambers,we split up, as to not be seen with one another. It was still quite early and there were very few people out and about, but we didn't want to take the chance. Later that day we ran into each other and were able to catch up on the night before. I told him everything that had happened with Bella.

"Yeah, Charlotte told me bits and pieces, but not all that. It's amazing Bella had the restraint to not go after the princess like that. Sounds like you two are a perfect match." He smirked.

I couldn't help my smile. "We definitely are. Did I miss anything last night?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Well, the princess did come looking for you, but I told her you had left ill. She seemed upset but said nothing." I inwardly cringed. She obviously knew Bella and I were close based on her comments the night before, and now she knew that I had left the ball shortly after learning Bella was missing. This could be bad if she wanted it to be.

"I don't think she believed you." I said softly to Peter, and told him of my suspicions.

"Jasper! How could you be so careless?"

"I haven't been! We haven't been! We have been very careful to meet away from the castle, we very rarely speak within the castle walls. I don't know how much more careful we could have been! Besides, the two of us have every right to court! Why should we have to hide-"

"The same reason you and I have to hide! Jasper, you know how people are around here. If she wasn't in the position she's in, it wouldn't be a big deal, just like if I wasn't in the position I'm in, it wouldn't be a big deal for us."

"I wasn't even thinking about her position. I thought it was just you that I needed to be worried about." I slumped down to my knees, holding my head in my hands. "What have I done? Who knows what she'll be put through now."

"I'll have Charlotte watch her for you. I won't put her in danger by having her step in to protect Bella, but we can at least be kept aware of what's going on." I grimaced at the thought. I knew he was just preparing for the worst, and most likely it wouldn't get that bad, but you never knew. All I could think was that I had to come up with a plan to get us both out of here, but we had to be careful. Any kind of 'abandonment' could be construed as some form of treason if they wanted it to be. It seemed hopeless, but I knew I couldn't give up. "It's also probably best if the two of you don't speak for a time. No meetings, no leaving separately to meet elsewhere, not even looking at each other when you're in the same room." Peter said quickly.

"Absolutely not!" I said, jumping to my feet. He quickly got in my face.

"Lower your voice soldier!" He said just as loudly as I had. "You're going to draw attention!" He seethed much more quietly. I took a step back and bowed my head to him, but kept my glare on him.

"You can't ask that of us, it's near impossible to stay away from each other as much as we do now." I gritted out, keeping my voice as low as I could.

"You're gonna have to find a way to make it work. The more attention you draw, the worse you're going to make it, mostly for her. You don't want that do you? You can write letters back and forth, but do not sign your name to them. If they are found, no one needs to be able to link you to her, and vice versa."

I spun on my heels and walked away, knowing I would get no farther with him. What made me so angry though, was knowing he was right. As unfair as it was, we were not free to court whomever we wanted. For heaven's sake, we had to get permission from the king and queen to even marry! Once she fell out of the princess's line of fire, we would be able to see each other again, I just prayed that would be sooner than later.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up with the most peaceful feeling, and I rolled over and wrapped my arm around the warm body lying next to mine.

"Good morning Beautiful."

I jumped back at the sound of Charlotte's voice, and then scowled when I heard her laughter. I sat up and rubbed my face.

"You were not who I expected to be there." I said before thinking better of it. I could feel my face grow red as I had basically just admitted to my actions the night before.

"Oh really?" She said, still giggling. "And who exactly did you expect to be here this morning.

"Oh, umm, no one! I never wake up with anyone, that's why you surprised me." I quickly recovered. She just looked at me smugly as she pushed herself out of my bed. I was trying to remember him leaving last night, and I couldn't help feeling a little hurt when I realized he had left without telling me goodbye. Charlotte must have noticed.

"What happened to that smile?" She still had that annoying little smirk on her face.

"I had a wonderful dream last night, and I realized it was just that. A dream."

"Well don't worry." She said, coming over to sit on my bed. "It wasn't all a dream, and you should be happy to know that your 'dream' was dragged out of here early this morning, much against his wishes." She said, unable to hide her smile anymore. I turned and looked at her with wide eyes. "Oh please, I knew something was going on with you two, and I understand why you haven't said anything. Don't worry, you can trust me, sister. Besides, do you have any idea how often I sneak Peter up here?"

"Unfortunately I do." I said, pretending to be disgusted. She just rolled her eyes at me and we both broke into giggles. "So how was the ball?" I asked after we calmed down.

"It was fine I suppose. The prince didn't make it back in time for the ball, but he has returned, so they are having a feast tonight to celebrate it. We need to start trying to find you a dress that you haven't mangled." She joked. I looked down at the floor, I felt so foolish for destroying some of my most prized possessions in my fit of rage. She lifted my chin with her finger. "None of that now. Yesterday is done, let's focus on today. Let's find you something beautiful."

"But not too beautiful, of course." I mumbled.

Many hours later, I had managed to piece together what I considered a very nice gown. It was deep burgundy, with gold trim, we had used leftover pieces of the two colors to weave through my hair. Charlotte's gown was a beautiful, shining gold, with green trim, and she wore green ribbons wove through her beautiful blond curls. We made sure we were the last to leave, and I even made sure to walk behind Charlotte the whole time, which she agreed would be the safest, although the other ladies didn't even make eye contact with me, or make the slightest mention of my dress.

Since this wasn't a ball, there wasn't a receiving line, so I wasn't able to speak with Jasper, but he ended up being seated across the table, about ten seats down, so we could at least see each other. As soon as our eyes met, he sent me a blinding smile. I blushed and looked away, overwhelmed by the amount of happiness I felt, just from a simple look from him. When I looked back up, he seemed to be in a heated discussion with whomever he was seated across from.

Their conversation was interrupted by the fanfare announcing the royal family, including the long absent prince. It had been several years since he had been back to his own kingdom, so the court attendees were extremely excited to see him return. My own personal opinion of the royal family wasn't very high, even though I would never admit such a thing.

I had luckily never had the 'privilege' to have ever spoken to him, but from what I had overheard from everyone else, he was arrogant, crass, and tended to be violent when drunk or angered. It didn't sound much different than the princess honestly, which wasn't surprising considering they were twins. The rest of the dinner was filled with absentminded conversation with the ladies around me, and stolen glances at Jasper.

"Isabella!" Lauren whispered across the table to me. "He's staring at you!" I looked up immediately toward Jasper, but he was faced away from me talking to someone else.

"What are you talking about?" I turned back to face her.

"Prince Edward! He's been staring at you the whole night. I turned toward the royal table and was met with his piercing green eyes. I immediately looked away and could feel my face heating up. It wasn't just a chance glance, he looked like he was staring holes into me, and it made me feel anything but flattered.

His stare was hard and dark.

Lauren was acting like it was an honor, but in reality, it made me want to run back to the safety of my room. Or to my Jasper. I looked up and Jasper was looking at me with concern. He cocked his head as if to ask what was wrong, but I shook my head, and sent him a tight smile back, and went back to the dull conversation around me. I could still feel the prince's stare, but did what I could to ignore it. All I could figure is that the princess had told him of the previous night, and he now disliked me as well.

We were nearly through with our meal, when several guards burst into the hall, running toward the King and Queen. There was so much chaos, I could hardly hear what they were saying, something about soldiers coming in.

Suddenly the doors burst open on all sides of the hall, and black armored soldiers began marching in. They weren't attacking, but they looked threatening enough to cause everyone to set off running every which way. Charlotte and I jumped up, and started backing away from the table where several of the armor clad soldiers were walking toward.

Suddenly someone grabbed my hand and started pulling me, running in the opposite direction. I looked back to see Peter pulling Charlotte along with him as well. Jasper pulled me out of the dining hall and through several small hallways, and into a small cupboard.

"Stay right here, and don't move, don't open the door for anyone but me, understand?"

"What? No! No, where are you going?" I was grasping at him to hold him here.

"I have to go back, we just wanted to make sure you and Charlotte were safe, but we have to go back."

"No! Please don't go! Please stay here!" I was desperate and tears were falling down my face.

"Bella, listen to me, you'll be fine. As long as you're quiet, no one will know you're here. Wait right here, and I'll be back to get you. I promise."

He pulled me into a hard kiss and then disappeared, locking the door behind him. I sat down, pushing myself as far back against the back wall as possible. I could still hear people screaming in the distance, but nothing nearby. The darkness was stifling, and my ears roared against the growing silence. My tears still sporadically fell down my cheeks as my mind raced with possible scenarios, none of them good. I'm not sure how long I sat there, but at some point I started to doze off, and no matter how hard I jerked myself back awake, sleep ended up overtaking me.

I woke up the next morning to bright light filtering through the curtains on my bed. I stretched, and felt very confused, like I was missing something. It took me a couple minutes before I could finally remember the previous night.

"Charlotte!" I yelled, as I sat up in bed. She walked slowly over to my bed, her eyes red and swollen from crying. "Oh Charlotte, what happened? What is it?" I could feel my chest rising with panic.

"There's going to be a war. While the prince was away, he did some... _questionable_ ..things while visiting a neighboring kingdom. They came last night to take him and have him tried in their own kingdom, but that of course didn't go over well. They said they would get him one way or another, and if he wasn't handed over, we would go to war. So that was it."

"What kind of 'questionable things' did he do?"

"I don't know. Peter wouldn't go into detail about it, which makes me think he forced himself on the wrong woman, if not the princess herself. He's not really known for taking 'no' as an answer. If that's the case, then the King knows he could be hanged for his crimes. So he would rather risk the lives of our soldiers, than to make his son answer for his crimes."

_Our Soldiers._

And then it hit me what she was saying. Peter and Jasper would be going to war. They would be leaving and there was a very good chance they wouldn't be coming back. I suddenly felt extremely light headed, and barely made it to the washbasin before I threw up everything from the previous night. I let myself sink to the floor in tears. Why was this happening? Why couldn't Jasper and I just be happy? Why did we have to sacrifice so much for this royal family that meant nothing to us? That treated us like garbage.

I rinsed out my mouth, and got dressed in my warmest dress and cloak.

"Where are you going?" Charlotte sniffed out.

"I need to get out of here. Take a walk, go for a ride, something." I said flatly. I walked out, ignoring any of the others that tried to engage me. Most of the other ladies were upset as well, the knights and soldiers made up a good percentage of suitors, and if they weren't already courting one, then they had their eye on at least one.

I didn't even try to hide the fact I was leaving, I had lost the ability to care about anything. I was numb, although the cold did bring me back to the present a bit. I went and saddled up my horse, making sure to put the thickest blanket I could find on her. I rode her out, but didn't bother to hurry. I just wanted to ride without thinking, which I must have done, because soon I was out in the clearing that I used to visit years before, the same one where Jasper and I had first met in.

My eyes filled with tears at the memory, but I blinked them away. I stepped down from the horse, and walked over to the fallen tree in the middle, and sat down, trying to absorb what little sun I could. I could feel the cold biting my face, but it was a pain I could actually deal with. Much more than the pain wrapping around my heart.

"You know, you were sitting in that very same spot the first time I came up here." I heard his voice from behind me. I should have been surprised since we hadn't met here in a couple years, but it felt right for him to find me here.

"So I guess it's only right that you see me here for the last time too." I felt him sit down beside me, but I kept my eyes closed.

"I'm sorry?" He seemed genuinely confused. I finally looked over at him. He was so beautiful in the sunlight and snow. I couldn't help but to reach out and brush a lock of hair from his face, cupping his cheek at the same time.

"Jasper, I'm not dumb. I know what the odds are of you coming back. War is a death sentence. Only a lucky few come back alive,and given our track record, I don't think we have luck on our side." He placed his hand on the side of my face, and I leaned into it.

"We will for a little bit though. I won't be going for quite a while yet." He said with a soft smile.

"You're not?" I nearly choked on the hope his words filled me with.

"No." He laughed. "No, Peter _may _ have incorrectly recorded my age, so I have at least another year."

I was so excited, I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around him, causing him to fall back into the snow. He continued laughing as I was kissing all over his face in relief. I stopped suddenly with another horrible thought.

"Wait, what about Peter?"

"Well, call me crazy, but I thought you were a one man kinda woman..." He joked. I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"You know what I mean. I mean, how can I be so happy with having you here if Charlotte is so miserable without Peter."

"Don't worry, Peter isn't going either. He's much too valuable for training, so they need him to stay here. They have to have someone to train soldiers, or else they won't be any good."

I went back to hugging and kissing on him, until he reminded me how cold it was and that we needed to head back soon.

"I would still like to continue training you whenever we can with your sword fighting."

"I don't know, now that my time with you is limited, I don't know that I want to waste it doing that."

"I know, but now that there is a chance of you being here without me, I _need _to know you can protect yourself to some degree. Besides, I don't feel like hiding our relationship anymore, regardless of the supposed risks, so we should be able to spend much more time together."

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of being able to talk to him and see him whenever I wanted.

"Are you sure?" I asked him. He pulled me to him and kissed me deeply.

"Very sure.


	7. Chapter 7

"Why are you so damned stubborn? Do you think I tell you these things for my own entertainment? Or do you think I'm just stupid and don't know what I'm talking about?"

I don't know if I had ever seen Peter so angry. I didn't even know what to say, but an apology was definitely not going to be part of it.

Bella and I had rode back to the stables together, talking and laughing, leaving no room for doubt for anyone who saw us that we were indeed together. Peter had finally paused in his ranting, so I took the opportunity, keeping my voice low and calm.

"Peter, please, you have to understand, I meant no disrespect, but if I only have a year before I leave for war, I want to spend as much time with her as I can."

Peter looked at me, angry and frustrated, running his hands through his hair.

"Don't you think I know that?" His face softened a bit. "Brother, I know how much you care for her. I know how hard it is, trust me, Charlotte and I have been doing this for years. I know it's not fair, it's just the way it is."

"I know, and I know we're taking a risk, but for us, it's worth it." He looked at me grimly.

"I hope so."

That night, the nightmares started. Although there were many different variations, they always ended the same, Bella being taken away from me by, of all things, a massive, bright green serpent. It was always unexpected, we would be in one of our special places way far away from the palace, or dancing in the ballroom together, or living happily in a little cottage somewhere faraway. The dream would go on and on, but then without warning, this snake, as big as a grown man, would just appear, and before I could do anything, it would wrap its body around her and take off. My legs were paralyzed every time, but I would scream myself awake. After about a week of this I would dread falling asleep, so afraid to lose her again. It didn't help that she was being kept busy and away from me.

She had been given the job of creating an entirely new wardrobe for the princess, which was conveniently assigned the same day we returned from the field. Charlotte and Peter had shuffled letters back and forth between us, but it wasn't the same.

It was late one night when Peter barrelled into my room, grabbing me by the arm to hoist me up.

"Come on, we've got to hurry." He said quickly.

"What? What are you doing? Where are we going?" I wanted to stop him, but was honestly too exhausted to do so.

"You need some sleep." He said gruffly, and then shushed me as we made our way quickly and quietly through the labyrinth of the castle halls. He stopped and looked around, before heading into what I had thought was a pantry, but ended up being a hidden staircase. The questions were killing me, but I held my tongue, knowing we needed to be as silent as possible. He came to a door and quietly opened it, and I was shocked to see Charlotte standing on the other side. We were now standing in the main sitting room that housed the ladies-in-waiting. My heart went into overdrive at the prospect of seeing Bella.

Charlotte grabbed Peter and pulled him toward her for a deep kiss. He then turned to look at me.

"Well what are you waiting for?" He grinned at me. "Go get her."

You didn't have to tell me twice. In two strides I was through their door, shutting it quietly behind me. The room was dim again, as it had been the last time I had been here. The fire was dying, and I squinted trying to find her in the shadows. There she was, sitting at a table, fabric hanging down from it. Her head was laid down, and it looked as if she had fallen asleep in the middle of her work. I walked over to her quietly, and the sound of her light snoring only confirmed my theory. I chuckled softly to myself as I gently lifted her up from the chair and carried her to her bed. I pulled off my boots and slipped in beside her. She seemed to intuitively turn into me and snuggle closer, which only made me wrap my arms tighter around her body. I heard her lightly whisper my name, and I thought she was waking up, but she was still sound asleep. The idea that she was dreaming of me thrilled me more than anything ever could. I closed my eyes and fell into a much needed, restful sleep.

**BPOV**

It had been a long time since I had slept long enough for the morning sun to wake me, but sure enough, there it was. That was the best I had slept in weeks, but as I went to stretch, I realized that this was just a dream. There sleeping beside me was the most beautiful of all angels.

My Jasper.

He too was sleeping, his blond curls spread around his head like his own personal halo. He had a small smile on his face, which in turn caused me to smile. While I hated to know this was a dream, I also knew I should enjoy it while I could, so I snuggled into him, breathing in his scent just as I remember it being. I felt his arm move around me, and tighten around me. I clenched my eyes shut and drew even further into him, knowing the dream wouldn't last much longer.

"Good morning, my sweet Bella." I moved to look up at him. He was looking down at me, still having that sweet smile on his face. I couldn't help but brush my hand softly across his face.

"My sweet Jasper, I miss you so much." He looked at me curiously.

"I'm right here! How can you miss me?" He chuckled lightly.

"Dreams cannot compare to the real thing, but at this point, I'll happily take what I can get."

He smirked and moved to fully face me, his head propped up on his arm.

"Bella, I promise, this isn't a dream, I'm really here." I scrunched my face, trying to figure out if the dream was trying to trick me, or…..

"How did you get here?" I asked, hesitant to get my hopes up, but not wanting to waste valuable time if this was the real thing. He rolled his eyes but smiled.

"Peter snuck me up his secret back way that he sneaks in to see Charlotte. I came in last night, and you had fallen asleep at your sewing table, so I brought you to bed." His eyes widened at his admission. "Completely innocent though! See, I'm still wearing clothes." He said. I broke into a wide grin and threw my arms around him, causing him to fall back against the bed.

"What are you, a gentleman or something?" I joked, and kissed him full on the lips. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back, winding a hand into my hair, holding me to him. He rolled us over, him propped above me, and deepened the kiss. The taste of his tongue against mine was spectacular.

We fought to devour each other before we finally broke apart, and he began dropping delicious kisses down my neck, as I moaned his name. As he moved his body against mine, I could feel him hard up against me, and almost as a reflex, I moved to press myself up against him there. We began moving rhythmically against each other, creating the most delicious feelings within me. My breaths became short, and I began crying out softly whenever he rubbed against my sensitive center. His groans heightened the sensation even more.

"Oh Jasper, you feel so…...oh, so good."

"Oh Bella, please, I need you, please."

"Jasper, yes, I'm yours…...yes…...I'm yours to have."

His shirt came off easily, but my clothing was not as simple. I ended up insisting he rip it off, which was so amazingly arousing. As soon as he ripped my bodice, he went to devour my breasts. Sucking greedily on one, while he squeezed and massaged the other. My moans escalated, as did my need to have him rubbing against my center. My hands which had previously gone between being tangled in his hair, and pulling him against me, moved slowly south, until I found myself pushing his pants off of him. He raised himself enough to help me, and then lowered himself back down. My hand went to his front, wrapping around him. He was so hot and hard, and as I moved my hand, he moaned my name loudly, causing my center to become so very wet, and I could feel myself actually throbbing for him. I heard the rest of my dress ripping apart, spurring me on. It wasn't long before we were naked, writhing against each other.

"My beautiful Isabella, I love you so much." He said as he looked into my eyes, gently moving my hair away from my face. "And I will love you forever."

"My wonderful Jasper, I am yours, forever."

With a gentle kiss, he entered me slowly. Our eyes locked on each other as he moved inside me. The stinging quickly changed to pleasure within a few movements, and as my moans escalated, so did his movements.

"Oh….oh Jasper…..yes…..keep…..keep going…..yes, more!"

"Oh Bella, my Bella…..this feels so good…...Oh….oh yes….."

"More! Jasper! Yes! Yes, Oh Jasper!

"Oh Bella! Bella, yes! Oh Bella…"

Whatever had been building in me exploded, and I screamed his name as he continued his movements faster, and then he let loose a scream of his own, and his movements became less methodical, until they slowed completely, and then he collapsed on top of me.

We laid like that for awhile, our breathing taking awhile to return to normal. He raised up lazily, running his fingers softly over my face.

"My sweet Isabella, you will never know how much I truly do love you. There are no words or measurements to justify it, and yet I will spend my entire life showing just how much I do love you."

Tears came to my eyes as he professed to me just how deeply he felt. To know that someone loves you with such a strength, it is completely overwhelming.

"Jasper, you are too good for me, I don't deserve you, but I am a selfish woman, and now that I have you, I will never let you go. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and back again. I love you with everything I am, and I will never know a moment of my life, where I am not loving you."

He kissed me hard, and not much later, he was entering me again, loving me, taking me, owning me. We touched and caressed, loving every part of each other, as much as we could, knowing our time was limited.

Much too soon, he was dressing at Peter's insistence. I was nearly in tears at the thought of him away from me.

"This has seemed to have the opposite effect and has made our separation that much more difficult." I said as I hugged him to me.

"I'll do what I can to come back soon. Until then, I will continuously relive every minute as long as I can." He said with a grin.

"If I were to do that, I think I would explode!" I said with an embarrassed smile. He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I believe, my Bella, that is the whole point."

And with a quick kiss he was gone.

I couldn't believe how empty I felt without him. He truly was my other half, and I could feel it when he was gone. A part of me was missing. While I hated that I felt that way, I also loved it. It meant we were connected. There was something there that couldn't be broken, and knowing that he was the one I was connected to, the one I was aching for, and knowing he felt the exact same way, made the pain worth it.


End file.
